I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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