I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
