Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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