Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
