i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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