Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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