Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
