That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
