oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
