i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
