Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
