I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She's JV to your varsity
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
