I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
