god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
