i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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