Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
