Already got asked if we're dating
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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