SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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