Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
