Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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