where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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