You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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