There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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