So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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