he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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