Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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