Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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