Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wish there were birth control emojis
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
