I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
