I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
