dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
