Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
