i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
