the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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