So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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