He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
