One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
