Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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