fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
