matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
