We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
tell me about the eggs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
