1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I puked a lego.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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