when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
