I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
