You really coming over, don't trick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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