R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
