I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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