If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
