i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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