Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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