Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
