Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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