I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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